


Will I be happy?

by Whitetiger01



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Future, Dark Thoughts, Fluff and Angst, Guardian Angels, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-03-20 12:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18992344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whitetiger01/pseuds/Whitetiger01
Summary: Kagami Taiga expected that his future will be bright since he always seemed to have everything planned, but he was wrong. He injured his knees and unable to play basketball again, and because of that, he gave up on basketball. He went to university to study English literature and became a novelist instead, but he was fine with it.He thought that nothing could go even more deviated than this, but when he heard that his former rival was getting married to a gorgeous model and he got an invitation to his wedding, his world crumbled to pieces. He always had a one-sided love with none other than Aomine Daiki, and it looked like his love would not be reciprocated for his entire life. So, he always questioned himself, what is the point of his life when he can never be happy with his life.





	1. Contentment

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this fanfic. This fanfic will be a sad one, so be prepared T_T. English is not my first language so pardon my mistakes but regardless, I hope you enjoy reading this.

Kagami was seating in his balcony while staring into the horizon and holding his cup of coffee with both of his hands. Kagami just stared into space without moving. When the sun rose to the horizon, he stopped staring into space and decided to finish his coffee. Ever since he injured his knees in his third year of high school, he started to have insomnia. Even though he consulted with a professional with regards to his condition, his insomnia seemed to get worse each year. And now, he reached the point where he couldn’t sleep for days. At first, the frustration of not being able to sleep as well as with his knee injury always built up so quickly that he always wept and thought that he was being so pathetic. But now, he felt nothing, and he got used to it. He embraced the feeling and starting to enjoy the empty and lonely feeling.

 

He looked at his clock and got up to get his cardigan, laptop and his glasses. He got a sudden inspiration after experiencing a writer’s block for almost 10 hours. It might not be much, but he thought otherwise. After graduating from university, he learned that time was precious, and he had to treasure and make full use of it. He put his glasses on and started to write for his new manuscript that he had to submit to his editor in five days’ time.

 

If his high school self saw him in this state, he would laugh since he always inspired to be an NBA player. He always thought about how his friends would react as well since he hadn’t met them for years and he didn’t tell them his sudden degree and career change as well as his permanent injury. He didn’t have time to think about this because of what had happened, it already happened, and he could never turn back the time and changed everything. The only thing he could do were to adapt and improvise. Anyway, he was content with the way he was living now. He had a decent job with a decent salary and a mediocre life. He made no trouble and had never been involved in any drama, unlike most people.

 

He kept on typing and when he looked up to see the time on his phone, it showed 10 a.m. “I’ve been typing non-stop for five hours? I guess time flew quite fast when you’re too engrossed.” He said while stretching his limbs.

 

Suddenly, his stomach growled so loudly and that was his cue to make breakfast. He switched on his speaker and put some music on. Sometimes, he liked to be distracted while cooking by listening to his favourite playlist. He decided to make pancakes with whipped cream and some berries at the side. He ate his breakfast while scrolling through Instagram. While scrolling through his feed, he stumbled upon some of his friends’ Instagram accounts. _I see…so they keep their accounts updated, huh…_

He stumbled upon Kuroko’s account and found out that he just posted a new photo. He froze when he looked at the photo. _He’s engaged to Momoi? I didn’t know that._ “The caption says ‘just got engaged today and planning to have a bachelor party with the guys. Can’t wait.’ So, he’s engaged now?! I wonder who proposed first…”

 

“Should I congratulate him? I don’t have his number anymore since I changed my phone and didn’t save his number. Maybe, I should DM him but after that, I’m sure he will force me to attend the party after not attending the reunion for so many years. Arrghh… I hate this, but I don’t do this, it will be quite rude.” Kagami mumbled to himself while staring at the photo.

 

“Here goes nothing then.”

 

Kagami: Hey Kuroko, I just saw your post that you’re getting engaged.                

               Congrats dude, I’m happy for you.

 

He regretted soon after he sent that message to Kuroko’s account but what had been done, it had been done, he couldn’t do anything. He kept on staring at his phone. _Arrghh… Dammit, this is so suspense. I can’t take it anymore!_ And with that, he put his phone away and washed his plates before continued to work on his manuscript. _If Kuroko does invite me, I hope he won’t be there._


	2. Reaching out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took a few days to post the next chapter. I just arrived in my home country and I need to recover from my jetlag as well. Thanks for reading :)

Kagami kept looking at his phone every five minutes and he couldn’t stop looking at his DM to Kuroko. He saw that Kuroko posted the photo yesterday and he hadn’t been online ever since. Because of that, he couldn’t concentrate on finishing his manuscript, so he decided to do something else. Even though he spent most of his time in his apartment, he still had activities or things to do outside his apartment. He had a routine that he had to do every day. Like right now, he had to go to the gym. He injured his knees, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t exercise. He usually did some light exercise. He prepared his gym bag and changed his clothes to a more appropriate and suitable for exercising. The gym that he usually went to wasn’t that far, so he just walked there. It wasn’t a famous and huge gym but at least he could do some exercise and remained active. He did some treadmill, indoor cycling, weightlifting and used other gym equipment as well. He had to be careful though since he couldn’t push himself too much. Afterwards, he went back home and showered. He worked on his manuscript again while having his lunch.

 

All of these activities were repeated ever since he became a novelist. It was repetitive but this was so that he could stay in shape and had a healthy lifestyle because he knew that having insomnia could lead to bad habits and health which could hinder his work and he didn’t want that. His job as a novelist was his only source of money so he couldn’t afford to lose the job.

 

He planned to take a short nap as he was tired for not sleeping the entire night and from working out, but he heard his ringtone alerting him with a notification. He looked at his phone and he saw that Kuroko replied to his DM. _I’m actually kind of scared to open his message. He must be pissed after not keeping in touch with him for so long._ With his eyes closed, he slide his phone screen. He opened his eyes one by one when the message popped on the screen.

 

Kuroko: Hi Kagami-kun, long time no see. How are you? It’s been a long time

              since the last time, I heard from you. Btw, thank you for congratulating

              me 

 

Kagami wasn’t surprised when he saw the message. _Of course, he will ask me that question…_ _But, what should I reply? That I’m doing just fine?_ Kagami decided to put any of his thoughts at the back of his mind and just decided to reply genuinely. Besides, this was Kuroko that he talked to, not someone else so he could put his façade away for a moment.

 

Kagami: I’m fine, Kuroko. How about you? Tell me who did the proposing

               First? You or Momoi?

 

He locked his phone after sending that message to Kuroko and fell asleep immediately.

 

When his eyes were closed, he expected to see darkness, but he was wrong. All he could see was white. _This is strange._ He was just standing there and did nothing. He was just looking around and stood still but something, or rather it was someone, suddenly appeared in front of him. But because there was light emitted from behind of the stranger, he couldn’t get a proper look at his face. All he could notice was his tall height. Surprisingly, despite having a stranger in front of him, he felt warmth and comfort. He wanted to see this person and touch him, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know why but when he reached his hand out, there was an invisible barrier. There was no way of getting closer to the stranger so he couldn’t do anything but to stand there. “Don’t you want to be happy?” There was a voice in his mind which he couldn’t comprehend.

 

He decided to ignore it. He knew where this was going as he experienced something like this before. He had one of his worst nightmares just a few years back when he went for his first physiotherapy. It always ended with a voice asking him ‘Do you want to be happy?’. Because of that, he just closed his eyes to block the voice. He woke up after that. He saw his clock and it showed that it had been 30 minutes. It felt like hours to him. He felt more tired rather than feeling refreshed. _Do I want to be happy?_ _Of course, everyone wants to have happiness, don’t even ask me that silly question. Besides, I’m completely happy with whatever I have now._

 

“I have to go back to work so I can finish the manuscript early.”

 

He heard his phone rang but this time, it was a different ringtone. He had never heard this ringtone on his phone before. When he looked at his phone screen, he saw Kuroko’s name. _Did he call me through Instagram? That’s a smart move._

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hello, Kagami-kun, it’s been a long time since I last hear from you.”

 

“Hey, Kuroko, what’s up?”

 

“Nothing much, really. I just wanted to ask you if you want to come to my bachelor and reunion party this weekend. If you are able to, of course.”

 

_Straightforward, as always._

“Of course, I’ll be able to come. You’re my best friend, there’s no way I won’t come. Just text me the location and the time.”

 

“Sure, Kagami-kun. I’ll do that as soon as possible. I can’t wait to meet you after so long. See you at the party.”

 

“See you.”

 

The conversation was kept short, but he felt nostalgic. He used to call Kuroko quite frequently during his high school days. He couldn’t wait to see him as well, but he was scared at the same time. He would definitely meet Aomine for the first time after so long. He was miserable before, during his high school days because of his unrequited love towards Aomine. But he was fine now. He kept telling himself to give up on him and it seemed that it worked just fine. He could face him properly now. After so many years, he could let go of his selfish desire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Think of the pain before the pain' - by Elliot from Call Me by Your Name


	3. Look around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments and kudos are surely keeping me going. Thank you so much and I'll update as quickly as I can. Thank you, again, for reading my fic. I hope you have a nice day :)

Kagami stayed up all night to finish the rest of his manuscript. His eyes stung, his shoulder felt so stiff, his fingers hurt, and he felt emotionally and physically drained. He wanted to finish it as soon as possible but he couldn’t possibly just do this half-heartedly or only for the sake of finishing it as quickly as possible so he could rest. Besides, he would have the whole weekend or even next week all to himself. All he had to do now was just to send his manuscript to his editor, Shiro-san, so he could read his manuscript and send his feedback. When he did that, he decided to rest.

The day after tomorrow would be Kuroko’s bachelor party and reunion. _I wonder if everyone will there. I mean, they’ve got busy lives now._ His thoughts brought back some memories back when they were comfortable with their lives, having nothing to worry about real-life problems. It was already in the afternoon and his stomach was growling. He wanted to cook something, but he was too exhausted to do that, and he didn’t want to get delivery as he would spend more than expected like the last time. In the end, he decided to sleep. He just wanted to shut down his mind and his whole body for the next few hours. However, his body betrayed him as he couldn’t even bring himself to fall asleep. Insomnia always had its way to creep to Kagami’s system at the worst time possible. Usually, he would give up and just stayed awake but not this time. He hadn’t slept for days and he couldn’t take it anymore. He went to his bathroom and took some sleeping pills to help him fell asleep. He didn’t usually do this because he was afraid that he would get addicted to it, but this time was an exception. He was so tired, and he wanted to sleep.

He thought that he would dream but the pill made him slept so well that he didn’t even dream. Either he didn’t dream, or he forgot about it. In the end, he didn’t care, as long as he had a good sleep, he was fine with everything. When he woke up, he felt like he was reborn to a new person. He felt amazing. He was in a good mood, but his stomach was still growling, and he needed to make something before his growling caused an earthquake, judging how loud it was. He decided to make curry omurice, his favourite and his best dish. However, he just made enough portion for himself and some for leftovers for later or tomorrow. He looked at the food he made, and it brought so many memories. He used to make this for a particular so frequently in the past but after his heart was broken, he stopped making it. But now, when everything was okay, he could finally make his special dish. He used to make it as a huge portion but that was before the whole drama started. Now, he gradually lost his appetite as the years passed by. He didn’t know why but he could feel it. He lost some weight but not at a dangerous pace. He wasn’t as buff as he was in high school but nevertheless, he was still healthy.

His mind drifted to the upcoming party. He had to do so many things, like going out to buy a gift for the couple. He could have bought the gift online but because this gift was dedicated to Kuroko and Momoi, he had to pick the gift by himself. It would be more meaningful that way. Perhaps, he should do it later in the evening while he was in a good mood, besides, he had nothing to do for the rest of the evening. He hadn’t gone out for so long and it made him felt weird.

He went out to the city centre by train and he was suddenly faced with crowds of people. It was overwhelming for him, considering he only went outside his apartment as far as a few minutes’ walks from his home. He didn’t go out that often anyway, but he had to do it. After looking around the mall, he had come with a decision to buy a matching bangle bracelet for both of them. “Do you want any engraving on the bracelets, sir?” The shopkeeper attending Kagami asked him while he looked around the glass display in front of him.

“Yes, please,” Kagami replied with no hesitation.

 _This might be a great present. Talking about a customised present, am I right? It’s a bit pricey but it’s worth it._ He chose a plain rose gold bangle bracelet for Momoi and the same design for Kuroko, but it was silver. Kuroko’s name was engraved in Momoi’s bracelet and Momoi’s name in Kuroko’s bracelet. It took the shop to engrave and wrap the bracelets for 45 minutes, so he went out to a bookstore while waiting for the bracelets to be ready. He went to the fiction section as soon as he entered the bookstore. He didn’t see any of his books, so he asked one of the staffs. The staff told him that the book titles he mentioned were out of stock. He was happy but confused at the same time. His books were those kinds of books which people didn’t notice until a few months or years after being published. During his debut, he was broke due to this incident but now he was doing fine. His books were selling well, and his finances were better since he had more than enough. _I guess Shiro-san is right. I have to wait patiently, and things will work out eventually._ He went to the bestseller section to look at the books as a reference. All of his books were literary and general fiction. He always aimed to create modern classics, but it was easier said than done. He should definitely try to explore another kind of genre. It was in his mind for a while, but it was risky, so he didn’t bring it up when he discussed it with Shiro-san on a new synopsis that he wrote. He just wanted to reach a different group of audience. He had always wanted to write stories even novels about romance and adventure, but he didn’t have enough courage. 

These days, as he looked around more, he started to realise that there was more than he could imagine. He always looked at so many couples as he sat in a small café, chatting and laughing, being happy. Honestly, it wasn’t that he was jealous, but he had this thought that someone out there could be desperate to find or experience romantic love. That was because he used to be that person. He might not be jealous, but he just missed that feeling, the desperation. Constantly trying to reach out for someone to hold him and love him. It might sound sadistic but that feeling made him human. These days, being away from his friends, not having any human contact other than with Shiro-san, especially writing his own utopia and his imagination into a book, distanced him from his humanity. He still enjoyed his life but sometimes he questioned himself if he was really content. Or he wanted more but he was too scared with the risks that came with it.


	4. Have courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love comes when you least expect it. Love comes when you most need it. Love comes when you are ready to receive it or can no longer deny it." - The next person you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom

Today was the day that Kagami would meet his old friends. He was excited but anxious at the same time. He didn’t know what would happen during the party. There were so many things he wanted to ask but he knew that he didn’t deserve the answers. So many things filled his mind and so many situations and scenarios he tried to think and predict. However, he couldn’t do anything other than just to chin up and face them.

 

He had the gift, but he didn’t know what to wear for tonight. The party would be held in a bar. He went to bars when he was in university but that was a long time ago. He kept on looking on his wardrobe and tried to match some tops and bottoms. In the end, he settled with his favourite denim shirt and a pair of black jeans. The outfit would be simple yet casual. _What kind of shoes would go well with this outfit? Should I try with the new Adidas shoes I just bought?_ After some time, he couldn’t care less and just put on whatever he could put on. The party started in two hours’ time, so he took his time to prepare himself.

 

He put on some songs on his speaker while sitting on his sofa in the living room, closing his eyes while listening to the songs. This whole thing not only made him nervous but sad as well. He didn’t know why. He put all of his thoughts at the back of his mind and decided to go to the bar a bit earlier. He opened the google map and checked the shortest route. He had to take the train and walked a bit. He had so much time, so he took his own sweet time to get there. When he arrived at the bar, there was a muscular guy blocking the entrance. He thought he went to the wrong bar but when he checked the name of the place, it was the right place. “Excuse me, is this Starlight bar?” he asked the man.

 

“Yes sir, you came to the right address but today the bar is not opened for public.” The man said with a deep voice.

 

“Oh, really? But my friend told me the party will be here.” Kagami scratched his head while smiling sheepishly to the man.

 

“Can I have your name, sir?”

 

“Kagami Taiga.”

 

“I apologise, sir, you’re actually on the guest list. I believe you’re here for the reunion party under the name of Kuroko Tetsuya?” He took his board and looked through the papers.

 

“Yes, that would be my best friend.” Kagami looked at him with hopeful eyes.

 

“Well, I apologise again sir. Please do come in and I hope you have a good time.” He said while bowing at Kagami.

 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to bow like that. You didn’t do anything but thank you regardless. Good evening.” Kagami said frantically while scratching his neck, embarrassed.

 

The door was opened, and he couldn’t believe his eyes when he entered the place. The bar was decorated with fairy lights and lamps with the shape of stars and moon. There are some galaxy and universe themed paintings and prints. There were small lanterns on each table as well. The bar looked so magical; he couldn’t take his eyes from looking at his surroundings. “Kagami-kun, don’t just stand there like a creep,” Kuroko said out of nowhere.

 

Back in the high school days, his soul would’ve left his body whenever Kuroko did this to him but now, he felt nothing. He wasn’t surprised. Kagami slowly looked down and smiled at him. “Kuroko! It’s been a long time. Congratulations again, dude. I can’t the day has finally come.” Kagami hugged Kuroko.

 

When he released the hug, Kagami just smiled softly at Kuroko. He truly missed his best friend and he kind of regret not keeping in touch with him. Kuroko was surprised when he saw his best friend since high school smiled at him like that and for not being surprised by his sudden appearance when it used to scare Kagami back in high school. _Has Kagami-kun always looked this gentle? I can’t recall._

 

He was the only one who was there. Kagami was early. He couldn’t see Momoi and he asked Kuroko. Kuroko told him that she needed to run some errands before coming here. They talked for a while, catching up with each other’s lives and reminiscing the good old days. “Before I forget, I want to give you this as your engagement gift. I know it’s not much, but I hope both of you like it.” Kagami said while giving the gift to Kuroko.

 

“You don’t have to. It’s not really necessary but thank you.” Kuroko smiled at him while looking at the contents.

 

Kuroko took a box that was inside the bag that Kagami just gave. There were two boxes and he took one of them. He opened and he saw a silver bangle bracelet that was simple yet elegant. There was a carving inside and he couldn’t have been happier when he saw it. It was one of the best gifts he could ever ask for. When he wanted to say thank you again, Momoi barged in with the rest of the Kiseki no Sedai. “We’re back!” she said cheerfully.

 

“Welcome back.” Kuroko stood up and approached them.

 

It felt that he was in a different circle. Everyone looked the same yet different. They looked more mature, but they have the same facial feature. It was hard for Kagami to comprehend. “Stop shouting, Satsuki. It’s annoying.” A deep voice suddenly barged in.

 

Kagami couldn’t help but stare at him. Aomine still looked the same but more mature. He couldn’t keep his eyes away from staring at Aomine, the only one who could turn his heart into mush. He almost lost himself just by hearing his voice. It was like the time slowed down around him. “Kagamin! Is that you?!” Momoi suddenly ran towards him and hugged him tightly.

 

“Hey Momoi, how are you?” Kagami said while looking down at Momoi.

 

“I’m doing great and I have never so happy in my life since all of you are here. How about you? Doing good?” Momoi kept hugging him while the rest sat down.

 

_This is so embarrassing. Everyone is watching us._

“Yeah, I’m doing as great. Congratulations, by the way, I can’t believe the day has finally come.”

 

“He said the same thing to me.” Kuroko suddenly said

 

“What’s that?” Momoi asked Kurko about the bracelet he wore.

 

“This is a gift from Kagami-kun. Here, you receive the same bracelet.” Kuroko handed over the other box to Momoi.

 

She slowly opened the box. When she completely opened the box, she put it down on the nearest table and suddenly, she jumped at Kagami. “KAGAMIN, THIS IS THE BEST GIFT I HAVE EVER RECEIVED! Thank you so much.”

 

Kagami just hugged her back while whisper ‘you’re welcome’ to Momoi. “I thought I gave you the best gift you have ever received. A bracelet is nothing compared to what I gave to you as your engagement gift.” Aomine suddenly said.

 

“Please, I don’t need a car. The bracelet that Kagami gave to me is far more beautiful and meaningful. Besides, I know you received that car from the previous company you worked for. You can’t fool me, Dai-chan.” Momoi said while releasing me from the hug.

 

Aomine just clicked his mouth for being caught red-handed. _Cocky as ever, huh? He doesn’t change._ Afterwards, they just talked about and had conversations. They reminisced and talked about the present. They drank, ate and laughed together. It has been a long time since Kagami had fun like this. It was really fun hanging out with them again like this. He wondered why he didn’t keep in touch with them. “So Kagamiichi, what do you do for a living?” Kise asked Kagami.

“W-well, umm… I’m a n-novelist.” Kagami stuttered, feeling embarrassed.

 

When he looked up, his friends were frozen, and they stared at him. He expected them to be surprised but not to the extent of being shocked. “Umm… Is being a novelist that weird?” Kagami said while scratching the back of his neck, blushing.

 

“It’s not weird but we just didn’t expect that you become a novelist. So, what genre do you usually write? Is it sports?” Akashi asked him.

 

“I don’t write about sports. All of my books are general and literary fiction.” Kagami said while eating his fries.

 

“What’s the title of one of your books if you don’t mind me asking?” Midorima suddenly joined the conversation.

 

“One of the famous ones is ‘The Pavement’. It was my first book I have ever written and over the years, it became New York Times bestseller.”

 

“Wait, you wrote ‘The pavement’?!” Kuroko asked Kagami

 

“Yeah, it was an English book but when it became New York best-seller, the publishing company decided to translate it to Japanese. So, they sold two versions of ‘The Pavement’ which are the Japanese and the English version.” Kagami explained to them.

 

“You’re Onitsuka sensei?” Kuroko stared at me.

 

“Yes, I am,” Kagami answered with confusion in his voice.

 

Out of sudden, Kuroko stood up from his seat and took something from his bag. He approached Kagami and sat beside Kagami. Then, he shoved a book into Kagami’s hands. The book was the original and the first book of ‘The Pavement’ which was quite rare to find these days, especially in Japan. “Can you sign this, Onitsuka sensei?” Kuroko said to Kagami while giving him an admiration look.

 

“Okay…” Kagami couldn’t say anything else but to sign the book that Kuroko asked him to sign like a little kid.

 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this moment to come.” Kuroko looked up to him when Kagami signed the book.

 

“Thanks. I never knew that you read my book. And please, don’t call me Onitsuka sensei here.”

 

“Sorry, Kagami-kun. I’m just really happy because you’re my favourite author and I’ve read all of your books. I read ‘The Pavement’ over and over again and it never fails to amaze me, especially now knowing that you’re the one who wrote it. You’re really amazing Kagami-kun. Keep up the good work and I’m rooting for you.” Kuroko smiled at Kagami.

 

Kagami, as well as the rest of Kiseki no Sedai, were very surprised by what just happened. Kagami didn’t expect that Kuroko would be a big fan of his work. It surprised him but it also made him happy, knowing that one of his readers encouraged him to keep writing. “I also read some of your works, Taiga. And, I have to admit that they’re pretty good.” Akashi said to him as well.

 

 _Wow, I actually impressed Akashi._ Kise and Aomine just looked at the scene in front of them cluelessly. _Of course, who would’ve thought that they have read my books?_ Kagami was a bit upset of the fact that Aomine didn’t read his books, but he knew Aomine would never do that. The rest of the night, they were talking about Kagami’s books and he couldn’t help but sharing the process of writing a book as well as the struggle to come up with a new synopsis. What was unexpected was the fact that Aomine was really quiet for the whole conversation. Everyone was involved in the conversation but Aomine didn’t involve much. He rarely talked. He missed talking to him as well as playing basketball with him. He knew the latter would be impossible to do but he wanted to know what Aomine had been up to. Kagami decided to put that at the back of his mind. _Maybe later._


	5. Obstacles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, long time no see :). I'm sorry that I haven't posted the new chapter sooner. I'm going to be a uni student soon, the first year, so there were quite a number of things I had to do which were necessary for the application process. However, I will never forget about this story and do my absolute best to finish this story as soon as possible.  
> Btw guys, I absolutely love your comments and kudos <3\. Thank you so much for the lovely comments. They truly encouraged me to keep going and you guys are such wonderful readers. Despite that this is my first attempt to write, you guys are killing it with the comments. Anyway, enjoy this new chapter. Love ya guys ;)

It had been two weeks since the party. After that day, his days became busier as his manuscript was accepted and obviously, a new book would be released soon. He was really grateful to his editor, Shiro-san, who gave him useful feedback without completely eliminating the main plot. Now, he was in the process of choosing the art for his book cover as well as the materials required to create his books. He always loved this part. It was like decorating his creation that he worked so hard for, through blood, sweat and tears. “So, have you decided which one to choose for your book cover, sensei?” Shiro-san asked Kagami, surprising him from his daze.

 

“I’m not quite sure, Shiro-san. All of these are great, as usual. But this book is really special to me, so it has to be something more than these photography edits.” Kagami said while flipping through some of the photoshopped images.

 

“You said that all the time, Onitsuka sensei. But this is your book so I will do what I can. I will search for some other art pieces that would, hopefully, suit to your liking. Do you have any preferences? Just to get some reference of what you’re searching for.” Shiro-san laughed.

 

“Well… It’s really hard to put it in words, to be honest. But it would be g-great if you find some artwork from digital artists, I suppose. I’ve read other authors’ works and most of them have digitally drawn book cover and they looked so beautiful. I know I’m supposed to be o-original, but I-I can’t help it… Would that be okay with you?” Kagami said sheepishly. 

 

Kagami looked at Shiro-san. He was thinking about what Kagami said carefully and tried to come up with a decision. Kagami worked really hard to finish this story and he wanted to do something different with his books. Because of Kuroko’s encouragement, he decided to be vocal about it to Shiro-san. It was worth the try but now, he started to doubt it as he looked at Shiro-san’s expression. “Okay then. I will try my best to find some art pieces from digital artists. When I’ve found some of the good ones, I’ll contact you.”

 

“Thank you, Shiro-san. You always help me, I appreciate that. Let me treat you dinner sometime if you’re able to.”

 

“I have to see my schedule first. Besides, it’s my job to be your editor anyway so you don’t have to do that. Just get some rest, sensei. You’ve been working hard as well; you deserve it.” Shiro-san smiled at Kagami.

 

Kagami smiled back at him, bowed and exited Shiro-san’s office. Kagami headed back to his apartment. While he was on his way home, he saw Aomine walking across the street near a traffic light with a woman. It wasn’t quite that obvious that it was Aomine because he wore a baseball cap, but he had never seen anyone with the hair, that had a particular shade of dark blue, Kagami always loved and longed to touch. The woman beside him was wearing a pair of sunglasses and a soft pink beret. Both of them looked fashionable yet casual and comfortable. He didn’t know who the woman was but there was one thing he could confirm. It was the way Aomine put his hand around her waist, and the way he leaned down and kissed her cheek so tenderly showed him that they were far more than Kagami would ever think they were. He should’ve looked away and to be honest, he really should, but he couldn’t take his eyes from them. His eyes were glued to them as they crossed the street. Once they left his sight, Kagami looked at the sky for a moment and decided to continue his journey.

 

Normally, a person who just got his/her heart broken would cry horribly or at least asked themselves of so many questions inside their hearts. Not for Kagami, he felt nothing, and he didn’t say anything, he kept his lips shut. Once he unlocked his apartment door, rather than feeling relieved, he felt that there was more weight on his shoulder. His apartment looked so much bigger and he could feel that the silence was overpowering his mind. He still felt nothing. No sadness, happiness, disappointment or even, anger.

 

Kagami lied on the sofa and turned on his speaker to play some chill music. _Anything but silence would be good for me now._ He slowly closed his eyes. He wasn’t asleep but he couldn’t help but to playback his memories from high school like an old recording. It was the moment when everything seemed so perfect. When he could feel so many emotions at once. When he was with Aomine almost every day, having one-on-one in their usual place. Back then, they didn’t have to say much, they didn’t have to arrange meetings or whatsoever but Aomine would ask Kagami with two words, ‘ _the usual?’_. That two words would settle everything. When one of them was sad, in a bad mood, anxious (mostly Kagami), they wouldn’t have to say much but those two words. It was a silent conversation only both of them understood. Kagami held to that two words for almost his whole entire high school life and before he knew it, they became so precious to him as the words reminded him of Aomine. Whenever Aomine asked him, his heart would pound out of his chest. But as everything that was good and happy always came to an end so did the good moments that they had.

 

Probably, he shouldn’t think that he was special to Aomine. He wished he didn’t see Aomine with the woman a few minutes ago. He wished he didn’t hope that Aomine would look at him during the reunion. He wished he didn’t love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " I was wordless and lost, and I had never known anything that felt like this, this, this hurt in the heart, this emptiness, and I wished right then I didn't have a heart, but I knew I had one and I couldn't wish it away." - Sal from The Inexplicable Logic of My Life by Benjamin Alire Sáenz.

**Author's Note:**

> "No. No one likes being alone. But I've learned how to live with it" - Elliot from Call Me by Your Name


End file.
